The Name’s Marlowe, Christopher Marlowe: Why I’m not an English Professor

The Way I Was

It seems natural, as someone who loves books and is currently studying to become a high school English teacher. Why not take the next step and, after getting my masters, go for a doctorate in English? Teachers with masters often get paid more, and it opens up more career opportunities within the education system as well as associate professorships at colleges (1). When I was in my second year at college, I was thinking about eventually becoming an English professor.  It seemed like it was the same as teaching high school, except your students are generally more dedicated and you have more freedom with what you teach. Sure there were these papers you had to write, but that sounded cool. I like books why not write papers about them. Isn’t that what I was doing already just on a lower level?

Yes and No

            The answer is both Yes and No, definitely not. That spring I took an English class called Shakespeare’s contemporaries. We read plays by John Webster, Ben Johnson, Thomas Middleton, Thomas Kyd, and spent a great deal of time listening to my professor fan over Christopher Marlowe. For those who don’t know, Christopher Marlowe, most likely a real-life James Bond, is one of the most interesting figures in the English Renaissance. He wrote wildly popular plays, such as Tamburlaine the Great, a story of a conqueror, Doctor Faustus, which is my professor’s favorite and is about a professor’s trade with the devil his soul for great knowledge, and many others. While he was studying at Cambridge, Marlowe didn’t attend classes for an extended period of time and spent a lot of money, that it didn’t make sense that he had, as even then college students were broke (2). However, when the University of Cambridge attempted to not give Marlowe his degree, as he had been off partying, they received a letter that ordered them to give Marlowe his degree anyways as, he had been engaged in “affaires” in “matters touching the benefit of his country” (3).

Christopher Marlowe = James Bond?

Many scholars, therefore, theorize that Marlowe was a spy, which would explain his extended absences and lavish spending habits. Finally, there’s also the strange circumstances of his death. Marlowe was stabbed to death, while hanging out with 3 guys: a known swindler , a conman informer, and an English doubleagent (2). The official report says that Marlowe was killed in self-defence by the swindler after Marlowe tried to stab him over who was going to pay the bill, but there are other theories. The one my professor told us about is that Marlowe might have been a double agent and was therefore killed on orders of the queen, or one of her employees’ orders, because he was such a dangerous man with all his thoughts and playwriting ideas. Psh free thought. Who needs it right? /s*  Whatever the theory you chose to adhere to, Christopher Marlowe was mysteriously dead at the age of 29.

The Point is…

            But what does this have to do with me being an English Professor? Well, while my professor’s obsession with Christopher Marlowe was endearing as well as entertaining, the assignments were not. The other obsession of my professor was literary criticism, otherwise known as those papers that English professors write in addition to teaching classes. Literary criticism is the typical “What does x represent in this book?” route English questions taken to the extreme.

Literary Criticism

            Literary criticism can find new meanings, interpretations, and themes in books and plays. It exposes the philosophical underbelly of individual words and probes the psyche of authors’ minds. It also bores me to death. “Therefore, Ben Jonson not only uses Mammon’s dream to compel readers to associate with him and realize that they too might succumb as easily as Mammon to con men’s exploitation of this fantastic fantasy, but also that readers may acquire the same self-awareness Mammon gains by the end of the play,” was the literary criticism thesis that wowed my professor. I have never written something anything less genuine in my life. As such, I am chalking ‘English professor’ and ‘Literary criticism’ up there with math, physics, most sciences, and so forth as something I can do, but by no means want to do. Before taking another class with the same professor, this time on Epic, I had forgotten why I do not want to be an English professor. The moment I sat down to write my first response paper, which had to answer the question, “In Homer’s the Odyssey, how does Calypso and her cave represent the ultimate blocking agent between men and women?” I remembered exactly why I don’t want to be an English professor. I like reading books and writing them, not scrutinizing the philosophical implications of Homer writing that Calypso’s cave smelled of “parsley” (5.76), “blossoming violets” was covered in ivy (4). I’m still not sure what they are, though I did earn an A- on the paper.

Thanks but No Thanks

            Of course, I’m always interested in discussing books, but my favorite part is the reading and writing of them. While after this semester I’ll have survived two semesters of literary criticism, I can happily go through the rest of my life never writing anymore. Thank you to those who do write literary criticism, I appreciate you, but I’ll stick with becoming a high school English teacher and eventually an author.

           

Notes: 

* “/s” for those who don’t know this indicates that my two previous sentences, “Psh free thought. Who needs it right?” were sarcastic.

Sources: 

Image credit: Christopher Marlowe.jpg in the Public Domain 

(1) "5 Reasons Teachers Embark on a Master's in Education Program?" on Gradschoolhub.com

(2) Christopher Marlowe on Wikipedia.com 

(3) This is from a document dated 29 June 1587, from the National Archives – Acts of Privy Council.

(4) Homer. The Odyssey. The Norton Anthology Western Literature, 9th ed., vol. 1, W. W. Norton & Company, pp. 291–581.