Back to School Thoughts

New Year Same Feelings

            Everyone has that feeling at the beginning of the school year. Whether teacher or student there’s a bit of apprehension a bit of excitement. The difference is what the emotions spring from. For the students it’s often seeing their friends. For the teacher it’s often the new book, format, or some other thing they want to try out. For years now, I’ve experienced things from the student perspective. I experienced the dread at waking up early, wanting to see what my classes were going to be like, and eager to see the new books I was going to be reading. I was used to all of this. However, I wasn’t used to things from a teacher’s perspective.

The Teacher Side

            I’m student teaching this fall. The dread of waking up early is still there I’m afraid to say. But the apprehensions are different. I’m not worried about whether the exams will be hard or whether the instructor will be strict. I’m worried about saying something incredibly stupid in front of the class, standing up there with nothing to say, of having the class run over me flattening me on the ground. I’m terrible with names and so I run the risk of not being able to learn everyone’s names and irreparably ruining any chance I have of building a rapport with the students.

What if I’ve been preparing this for over three years in college and all those years before that in elementary and high school only to realize this isn’t the career I should be in? What if I should have just given in and been an engineer, a computer programmer, or a nurse? What if I don’t make enough money once I graduate to cover my student loans, let alone have enough money to live on? What if I can’t even get a job because I fail at all of my interviews? How will I survive over the summer? Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh…

Some Perspective

At the same time, my instructors messed up before in class and I didn’t automatically loose all respect for them. I didn’t get why they were so worried. I can always prepare emergency “nothing left to do” activities and lessons. Plus I won’t be completely alone. My mentor teacher will be there to help me if I get stuck and will give me tips on how to avoid flailing about. I’m just starting out. If ever there was a time to learn, to make mistakes, and become a better teacher along the way, it’s this semester. At least I know ahead of time that I’m awful with names. This way I can put extra effort and focus into learning them….waking up early still stinks though.

            However, I don’t want to give the impression that I only have fears. I’ve been waiting for three years for this semester. As I’m sitting through in service lectures, some mildly helpful and others dreadfully boring, I can feel my excitement welling up. Can’t the students get here already? Can’t I just start teaching? While I am already beginning to understand why people in the r/teachers subreddit complain about in services almost, I can almost see a method in the madness, at least for me. All of my fears are dying of boredom thanks to the in services. 

What I’ve Been Waiting For

What is it truly like to be a teacher every day? That’s what I’m finally going to be able to answer. Last semester I got a tiny taste by spending 5 half days in the school every week for 6 weeks. It was like eating potato chips; one you have one you have to have another. When I first visited a school in my sophomore year of college, as I sat with a teacher grading quizzes while the kids read, I remember thinking, “I could do this everyday.” I knew that literally everyday wouldn’t be exactly like this, but it reassured me to think I could at least stomach an average teaching day. The experience last semester during the 6 weeks made me realize not only could I stomach it, but I actively enjoyed every day, even when things didn’t go exactly as planned, which was most days. Previously I had really enjoyed my classes, but during those 6 weeks they paled in comparison to being in the school.

Sure I was exhausted, but this semester I won’t be taking classes working 20 hrs a week, and spending half a day in the school every day. Instead, my main focus rests entirely on student teaching. During the summer I worked extra and longer hours, so that I could dramatically limit the number of shifts I would have to work in order to pay for things like electricity and gas. My schedule is clear, my mind is ready, and it’s finally time to get started!

Let Me Know!

What are your thoughts at the beginning of a new school year? As a student, teacher, whatever let me know! If you’re student teaching (or did a long time ago) how did it go?

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Image Credit: "School" Jorge Diaz